Throwing In The Towel...

To the best of my knowledge only about two or three of my posts have been (or should have been taken) in complete and total seriousness. I guess it is safe to say that this one will be the next. Most, if not all, of the people that come across my blog I consider good friends so I figured this would be a good spot to share. With 2005 coming to a close and looking back, the year has been very bitter-sweet. Sometimes the trials and frustrations just get the best of people and the person just wants to quit. I think I have come (or am coming) to that point.

These past two weeks have been by far the most frustrating of the entire year. I'm sick of the lies. I'm sick of friends lying to me. I'm sick of seminary. I'm sick Southern Baptists. And, most importantly, I'm sick of typical Baptist backstabbing. If you haven't figured yet...I'm pretty much just sick. While in my sickness I have come to the realization that these are things I will be forced to deal with in my ministry career until the day I die or retire. I was then forced to ask myself, "Is this something I'll be able to tolerate while maintaining my sanity?" Let's face it, if I can't handle it now I'll probably handle it never. The problem that I'm faced with is that I'm bound by this call. God called me here. I wouldn't have made it this far without Him. The whole thing has just felt pretty hopeless. While contemplating all these things at 2:30am I still had three papers due this week in my classes. I packed up my stuff and headed out to IHOP to get away, think, and write.

The first paper on the agenda was a philosophical paper on capital punishment. While I typed away on my laptop, the environment at IHOP was quiet and serene. I was the only customer in the whole place by 3:30am as I sipped my coffee while trying to put a conflicted heart on the backburner and researching the hermeneutical background of Exodus 21. The only noise at this point was background music at IHOP and the subtle hum of my computer. God can use just about anything and anyone to speak to us. In this case it was background music. While typing out, "Love your enemies," in my my paper, Lifehouse's song Spin hit the speakers. Maybe I subconsciously needed a break from the paper, but I like to believe that God had something better in mind than just a break. When I received the call to ministry, this was actually the praise song that I sang shortly after. I honestly cannot remember hearing it or singing it since that time (over two years ago). The words go like this:

Why would I chase your shadow all my life
And be afraid of my own?
I'd rather be with you
I'd rather not know
Where I'll be than
Be alone and convinced that I know

When the world keeps spinning round
My world's upside down
You and I wouldn't change a thing
I've got nothing else to lose
I lost it all when I found you
And I wouldn't change a thing
No, you and I wouldn't change a thing

Everything I know has let me down
So I will just let go
Let you turn me inside out
Cause I know I'm not sure about anything
But you wouldn't have it any other way

When the world keeps spinning round
My world's upside down
You and I wouldn't change a thing
I've got nothing else to lose
I lost it all when I found you
And I wouldn't change a thing
No, you and I wouldn't change a thing

Spinning turning watching burning
All my life has found its meaning
Walking crawling climbing falling
All my life has found its meaning

You and I wouldn't change a thing
No, you and I wouldn't change a thing

It was in this moment God spoke to my heart. First came the obvious: "People can (and sometimes will) be mean, selfish, and cold-hearted." Then came the realization: "You can be no different!" Then came the command: "Do this for Me and nothing else. If you do this for praise, people, or popularity you WILL lose your sanity, your passion, and your mind. Make no doubt about it, at times this will be hard and you'll want to quit, but I am with you and my grace is suffiecient."

In all cases where I conflict and fight with God, He wins. He won this one too. Luckily this semester and year is almost over. Better than that, it's never too late to ask for forgiveness. With that in mind, if I've been mean or selfish toward you, please accept my humblest apology. My calling involves service and as Gregory the Great once said, I am "the servant of the servants of God." I've learned a lot since I've been here, but I still have a lot left to learn. May this post find you well. Maybe this is something that will encourage you or someone in the weeks and months to come. Either way, take care and God bless.

Seminole Princesses And Dirty Gators...

I figured I needed a break from the stresses of my Baptist seminary so I'd share with you one of my favorite pastimes - college football. Now it's probably not a secret to any of you that I love FSU. It is also no surprise I loathe UF with the fury of 10,000 suns. For right now we're going to ignore that FSU lost really really bad to Clemson today. Like all losses that have happened to FSU this season, I'm just going to ignore it and live a life of denial. Loss? What loss? FSU is still undefeated! Why they haven't trumped USC for the number one spot is beyond me! =P

An interesting "Did You Know?" fact about me is that in my earlier years (when I was naive, young, and impressionable) I was actually a Gator fan. How and when I became a fan of the Noles is shrouded in mystery. From what my family and I can gather is that it happened in my early teens right around the time I got saved -which I believe is not a coincidence. I had to turn from my sinful ways which included giving up sinful habits, like gator chomping. =)

The "why" for the switch is not as complicated. I am the quintessential black sheep. My parents drove white Chevy's. I drove a black Toyota. My family loves country music. I love hard rock/alternative. My family loves the Florida Gators. As a result, I must love the Florida State Seminoles.

Another factor of the switch was Steve Spurrier. I really didn't like that guy. Yes, he is entertaining to watch on the sideline at times, but it was that blasted smirk! Spurrier has this dumb little smirk that I wanted to see wiped off his face so bad. Then there was his never-ending complaining and excuses when Florida would get worked by the Seminoles. "Waaa! They roughed up my quarterback! Waaa! They hit too hard! Waaa! FSU owns me!" You get the idea. Oddly enough, Spurrier cut the excuses and whining, and I've actually started to respect him since leaving UF. Heck, I'm cheering for him and South Carolina today as they play...you guessed it - the Florida Gators!

When one works in youth ministry in the state of Florida, it's only a matter of time when your teens grow up and head off to college. The class of 2005 had an interesting turn of events as one of my girls (Pam) went to UF; however, her younger sister (Sheryl) has recently been accepted to FSU. I told Sheryl that if she goes to FSU I will forever refer to her as "my beautiful Seminole princess" as I already refer to any and all Gator fans as "dirty gators." The term isn't really derogatory more than it is an actual fact. I mean c'mon they live in a swamp! Why would you want to cheer for a team that proudly claims they live in swamp? Seriously, the king in Monty Python and the Holy Grail wanted his ambiguously gay son to get married because they lived in a swamp, and the girl had "huge tracks of land!"

So there you have it. Now you know why it is totally awesome to not like the Florida Gators. The Florida State Seminoles are way cooler anyway. At least my team can hold onto a coach for more than a few years! If you are friends with a Gator fan pray for them. Hopefully by the grace of God they'll learn the folly of their ways. If you are a Gator fan, know that it's not too late to turn from evil and receive forgiveness. May the warrior spirit of Chief Osceola continue to burn in us all against those blasted green reptiles!